Loneliness: What Does It Mean, and How Do We Feel When Lonely?

Loneliness usually evolves from artificial social fabric and cohesion, lack of connection with nature, missing the vital points to pursue the purpose of life, lack of spiritual and religious understanding, and a sense of isolation with family and society in real terms with selfishness.

At some point—or in the gross majority of our lifetimes—we feel lonely. Even after 55 years of togetherness with a moderately healthy marriage, couples can still feel lonely. But do we really understand each other as couples in a real sense? It is debatable.

During 1960 or onwards, the term loneliness was almost obsolete. We had never been lonely in real time as social cohesion and fabric were naturally nurtured and flourished with simplicity and less selfish patterns of behaviour. We never felt bored during our childhood because of a lack of loneliness and natural patterns of livelihood. However, the current era has become so disconnected from nature.

Nowadays, even with thousands of artificial amenities and social platforms available in a flick of a time, we still feel lonely and quickly get bored. We eventually forget how to say a simple “Hello” to strangers who live next door for long periods of time or greet each other during a journey next to each other.

Rather than engaging with every household, we are nowadays busy with our own mobile devices with absolutely no communication or connection, even though we are sitting in the same lounge on a lazy evening.

Causes and Evolution of Loneliness

Of course, there are many factors triggering this phenomenon of chronic loneliness patterns evolving. One of those is massive globalisation, which started to take place after 1970. It created a new way of thinking and mingling more globally rather than locally, which took away the local sense of correlations, affection, and simple love like that of the 1960s and 1970s.

It eventually started to erode during the 1980s and onwards. Urbanisation, with its increasing distance from nature, and the introduction of modern tablets and mobile devices are also major triggering factors of loneliness.

Usually, village people are less lonely than artificially urban people—which urban inhabitants can also denote as the “robotic generation.”

Loneliness is a pattern or episode. Being in a huge crowd, someone can still feel lonely. We are sometimes taken out of crowds to reflect and refresh our souls, or we may be taken out of society in the form of depression due to loneliness. Whatever the episode, there are many pros and cons when we try to locate the fine line between loneliness and being in the crowd.

The Modern Society of “Fitnah”

In this bustling, chaotic, and self-centred society—what the Islamic version calls “the Society of Fitnah”—modern surveys have produced some remarkable findings. Loneliness causes depression along with hypertension, heart disease, and low life expectancy.

But in terms of the spiritual spectrum, loneliness has never been measured in real terms. Our beloved Prophet (SAW) often went to solitary environments to connect with Almighty Allah (SWT) to find peace and tranquillity in the heart.

To make individuals more independent and strong, we should come close to nature and hear the quiet murmurings of the natural world. Loneliness helps us refresh our minds and thoughts, purify our hearts, and eventually helps us eliminate spiritual diseases such as envy, ego, ostentation, and backbiting.

The Illusion of Connection in the Globalised World

During this heavily globalised and illusive “Fitnah” world, determining what is real, which statement is true, and who is telling the truth on social media has become very hard. The world is becoming more fake, judgmental, and impulsive because of globalisation—helped by social media—which is taking away our innocent everyday lives.

Our relentless pursuit of career success, fame, and unlimited wealth is taking us away from our basic family bonding towards a fake world of illusions, making us potentially lonely in a busy, bustling life surrounded by thousands of people yet no real friends.

Connection Between Loneliness and Loveless Life

There is a distinct connection between the Age of Loneliness and a Loveless Life. Loneliness is an episodic experience that people cannot see, hear, or taste—they can only feel it.

Sometimes people get divorced, close companions die, they experience health traumas, and overall, when people live a loveless life, it causes loneliness.

Loveless life is spreading out in epidemic proportions across the universe, causing enormous loneliness. A simple kiss or hug to a close one or friend with compassionate manners has become so difficult. Holding hands and strolling in a soothing breeze through wild nature—those simple gestures can evolve the basic instincts of love, which can help to overcome loneliness.

Is Loneliness Good or Bad?

Is periodic loneliness a good thing that helps us reflect, refresh, and become better people—or is it a depressive episode that slowly kills our natural instincts and eventually causes our souls to die in despair?

Whatever loneliness means and however it affects our well-being, at the end of the day, all humans are lonely for different reasons.

Spiritual Reflection on Loneliness

Almighty Allah (SWT) created us with an overall sense of loneliness in this short journey of life to make us realise that our greater journey will be our eternal one—where we will find a true sense of spiritual happiness and abundance in paradise without being alone.

We can freely ask Almighty Allah (SWT) for His ultimate mercy and blessings, to make us lovable under the shade of His abundance of eternal love.

Remedies for Loneliness

Remedies are simple to overcome loneliness. In the modern era, it is a common practice to talk with professionals with expertise in mental health.

The naturally nurtured remedies seeded in our inner souls can help us spread love for each other, value our self-existence and acceptance, and express gratitude towards Almighty Allah (SWT) for His abundance in the universe.

Helping others, reaching out to orphans and disadvantaged people, connecting with others with simplicity and an open heart, and—of course—using less mobile and social media can help us get out of this artificial “Me or Selfish Society” of today.

Imperfection Is Perfection

Kintsugi is a Japanese art that repairs broken pottery with gold, rendering a new piece that is more exquisite than it was before the break.

Rather than trying to hide mental damage, be brave enough to face it—like the Kintsugi repair process. The imperfections are what make it beautiful and valuable.

A broken piece that is put back together has more of a story, seems more authentic and real, and is stronger and more resilient than something that has stayed pristine.

Similar to the Japanese art of Kintsugi, our rough edges and cracks—meaning trials and tribulations in life—can be filled in with gold to point to the greatness of Almighty God.

We can embrace God in our trials with faith that He is doing a work in us beyond our comprehension. Our mental scars are not things to run from or hide from others. Through them, we exalt the One who is conforming us more and more into the image of Almighty Allah (SWT).